Can't Help But Notice
by omgimwritingfanfics
Summary: There's something in the way he looks, the way he moves. The chewing on his lip with his unusually sharp teeth when he's concentrating. The fiddling with a lock of hair when he's distracted. The way he walks with purpose in every step. -A RinHaru story told from the perspective of a classmate.


Inspired by the quote that Rin's a _ 'guy that guys fall in love with.' _

Written from the perspective of an outsider and in first person (please give this fic a chance!)

* * *

"Who's that guy over there?"

"You shouldn't come to school so late, you miss all the introductions—he's a new second year, transferred from overseas."

"He looks so, I don't know, _pissed off_."

The guy's eyes flash up and narrow at my two friends, who are still talking animatedly, until they see he's glaring at them with the force of a thousand suns. They fall silent the way people do when they've been caught out gossiping, and turn away from him and awkwardly start discussing the new school year.

"Oi—" One of them waves his hand in front of my face. "We asked you what subjects you have this semester."

"Oh—Oh yeah," I stammer out, not aware I had been staring at the transfer student until they had distracted me. After I finish rattling out my timetable, I risk a glance back at his desk.

He's looking out the window with a frown, but when I stare for a heartbeat longer he lowers his head and focuses a glare on me. _It's like he's got a second sense_, I think, then realise I'm still meeting his gaze, which has grown infinitely more irritated. I break eye contact abruptly, studying the papers on my desk in an effort to forget the burning of my ears.

That was how I first met Matsuoka Rin.

†

I wouldn't notice him in classes, if it hadn't been for his unmistakable red hair and of course, our first meeting that seemed to make me hyperaware to his presence.

Every day he's tucked himself away in the back corner desk by the window, and is the last to participate in group activities and the first to leave the room. I'd never gotten the chance to talk with him, even _speak_ to him, until the teacher decides it's time to switch desks and have us partner up for an assignment.

The tensing in his shoulders when I walk over to him him shows all too clearly he prefers to work alone. "Uh…hello," I say, half-bowing self consciously, and say my name. _Why did I do that? I'm not even his underclassman!_

He eyes me, and when he makes his introductions, he doesn't bow. "Matsuoka Rin."

_I know_, I almost blurt out. My brain is on the verge of spitting out irrelevant babbling, so I sit down abruptly and dump my bag by my table. It flops onto its side, spilling loose paper across the aisle.

Rin sighs and reaches down. "Here."

He gathers the papers in a neat stack and hands them to me, our fingers brushing. My skin remembers the touch in a warm tingle that remains long after I've stuffed the schoolwork back where it belongs, whereas he doesn't even seem to notice. Slumped by the window, his gaze has strayed outside again. He's brooding, and looks…he looks pained. It's not obvious, but it's there.

I pick up the assignment outline before I start staring again at the way his hair falls into his eyes. "Hey, so which part—" I begin.

"I'll do the first half, you do the last," he says in a tone that doesn't allow for questions. It's surprising how I found myself agreeing to his instructions so fast—my friends always tell me I prefer to _be_ the authority, but something about him makes it hard for me to think.

†

I learn he's joined the swim club late through Akio, my friend on the team. He gushes about Rin's swimming, but when it comes to his personality, he says Rin's colder than ice. He only spares a few words to the first year who's his dorm mate, and to the Captain, but other than that he '_throws himself into swimming, it's like something's just out of his reach, he pushes himself crazily!'_ I wish I could join the team just to see it, but I've always been an embarrassingly slow swimmer and basketball suits me much better, anyway.

Our time sitting next to each other in class is cut short by another seating arrangement done by a new teacher that steps in after our current one falls sick, and now I'm no longer beside him but in the middle, and he's at the back corner again, but the one that's not beside the window. I wonder how he feels about that.

More often then not, I find my thoughts straying to him. I _shouldn't _be so preoccupied with him—he's always moody and antisocial and doesn't encourage conversation in the least…but there's something in the way he looks, the way he moves. The chewing on his lip with his unusually sharp teeth when he's concentrating. The fiddling with a lock of hair when he's distracted. The way he walks with purpose in every step.

Once, when I headed out of the dorms at night to pick up some things I forgot from the gym, I heard splashing sounds from the indoor pool. Peering in a window, I saw a lone swimmer surging up the far lane in freestyle, his arms cutting through the water like a serrated blade. When he reached the end, he snatched up a small object from next to the diving block, looked at it, and swore loudly.

When he ripped off his swimming cap, I saw it was Rin.

†

Lately, I haven't seen much of him. Despite boarding at the same school I only seen him once or twice around the halls, and notice him during class but by the way he enters and leaves silently, it's like he's a ghost.

And then one day, my friend Hiro asks me if I'm gay. "It's no problem, me and Akio were just curious!" he tries to reassure me. "You're fixated on that Matsuoka."

I start. "Was it that obvious?" I mumble to the ground, forgetting to deny the allegations of my sexuality.

"Oh, so you are then? The reason we wanted to know was really because…" he trails off, mouth opening and closing as if trying to find the right words.

"It's just Matsuoka himself, really," Akio steps in. "The guy doesn't care about anybody but himself and swimming, so you'll end up getting hurt. I think it's best to steer clear."

Hiro nods enthusiastically. "That's right."

"Hm." I grunt noncommittally and walk past them, my mind churning. They're wrong about Rin's selfishness, I'm pretty sure; there's something in his eyes that tells me he isn't doing it all for himself. It's just a hunch, but then again my hunches have always been pretty accurate. Rin is a mystery, but not one I want to pick apart and figure out. To me…he's fascinating.

I'd never admitted it to myself until now, but I like him.

I really like him.

†

Something's up with Rin. Usually he's always glowering at the world, edgy and snappish with people who try to talk to him, but now…

It's like he's sunk into himself.

He doesn't say a word voluntarily, and when he does speak his voice is heavy and flat. His eyes have lost that sharpness, his lip that curl that's always a constant on his mouth. Even his _hair_ seems kind of limp.

When he heads to the seat by the window, the person who sits there didn't even try to question him, and goes to Rin's proper seat. The teacher doesn't notice. Class goes on.

I notice. I can't help but notice him.

I'm worried.

Akio and Hiro still like to tease me about him, but the novelty of it wore off a while ago, so it's a bit easier to pick up the courage to approach him at lunch break. He never eats where there's a lot of people, so I have to trail him discreetly after he gets a bento from the cafeteria and shakes off his first-year dorm mate who likes to cling to him.

Gradually the hallways empty until there are only a few people milling about, and I'm praying to God he doesn't notice I'm following him. _Stalking? Am I a stalker?_ I discard the notion uncomfortably. I'm just worried about his wellbeing, that's a perfectly valid reason to talk to him!

He stops in front of a door marked 'Teachers Only' that I expected him to walk past, but he just tilts his head at it and pushes down the handle. It opens easily and he disappears inside.

I wait for half a minute, then come out from around the corner and open the door. It swings outward to reveal a set of stairs, and I realise that these are the stairs that lead to the roof. I didn't even know they were accessible, I don't think I've ever really thought about going up to the roof.

There's another door at the end of the staircase, and it opens to reveal bright sunlight. I exit cautiously, looking from side to side for Rin. To my surprise, there are a few people up here already, three boys over in the far corner, two more sitting half out of sight, and Rin, the furthest away from all of them, standing at the fence.

I approach him, chewing the inside of my cheek. "Uh, Matsuoka-kun," I try, the name almost getting stuck in my throat. I've always thought of him as just _Rin_.

He stiffens and turns around. When he sees it's me, he still doesn't relax. "Did you want something?" he asks flatly.

I wince inside at his unwelcoming attitude. "I was just wondering…"

He raises an eyebrow. "What?"

"Well, I was just wondering if you're okay, I've noticed you seem really down lately and, and—" I cut myself off, well aware anything else I'd blurt would be utterly ruinous. _Why does he have to make me so nervous? I'm not like this!_ I protest inside.

His posture loosens almost imperceptibly. "I'm fine."

It's such an obvious lie. "Matsuoka-kun, please—"

"I'm _fine_." He turns away abruptly in a clear dismissal.

The pain of being rejected cuts through me like a cold knife. Deep down I know I shouldn't be surprised at how much it hurts.

I've utterly and completely fallen for him, after all.

"If…if you need anyone to talk to, you can talk to me whenever you want," I say, my face on fire but meaning every word. No matter how much he pushes away anyone, I don't want him to suffer alone.

Without waiting for a response, I leave the rooftop at a fast walk, ignoring any curious looks sent my way.

†

Another long while later, I heard through Akio that Rin was disqualified at the swimming Prefectural tournament for competing with another team.

"Who does that?" I ask, pushing a bit of hair out of my eyes.

"Matsuoka, apparently. Mikoshiba told us it was for personal reasons so he's allowed to stay on the team."

"Personal? Did he know that other team or something?" Hiro leans over the back of his chair with wide eyes.

Akio shrugs. "Yeah, we do joint practices with them. They're a tiny team too, only four swimmers!"

"Could he have history with them?" I can't mask my curiosity. Akio looks at me knowingly.

"I think he does. He's always gone out of his way to avoid them at the practices, but I think that'll change now." His unspoken apology to me is all too apparent.

_I need to get over him_. It's something I've thought many times before, but I've never been able to achieve. Yet, it's hard to get over someone when you've good as given them your heart.

The next joint practice is on a Wednesday afternoon, I overhear later that day, so I decide to skip a bit of basketball and see how Rin acts around this 'Iwatobi' team.

I peer in the same window I saw him through the other night. This time the place is filled with people, some doing stretches, some talking, others doing laps. Mikoshiba Seijuurou, the Captain, is standing next to a diving block with a small, red-headed girl, his eyes glued onto her as she talks. She's wearing a white and blue jacket that only three other people share.

_The Iwatobi team?_ Four people, Akio had said, so does that mean the girl's also a swimmer? She's clutching a clipboard, though, so is she a manager?

I scan the stadium, but the only red hair I see is on the girl and Mikoshiba's own bright orange shock. The swimmers in the pool don't have the same sort of ferocity that I witnessed on Rin, so I think none of them are him.

I linger for five minutes more, but still can't find Rin anywhere, much less see how he acts with the people from Iwatobi. Eventually, bored with searching, I give up watching the swim practice and walk off around to the back of the pools, from there intending to go to the gymnasium.

And I find him.

He isn't alone.

His back is pressed against a wall and his hands are grabbing onto someone else's jacket collar, a jacket in school colours I don't recognise, yanking it hard and close like he's a drowning man. The someone else in question is shorter than Rin, but they are kissing with such intensity height difference is probably the last thing on their minds.

A strangled moan comes from one of them, I can't tell, but then the stranger that has his hands tangled in Rin's hair cracks his eyelids open a fraction and a slash of heated blue is staring straight at me.

With my heart stuck in my throat, I turn around and run.

†

He's been smiling more.

I notice this with a sort of bittersweetness. Although he's still a loner, his face is lighter and he's more open. I even saw him teasing his dorm mate, the one he had always shaken off like he was an insect. The small grey-haired boy had such unadulterated delight on his face I couldn't find it in me to begrudge him.

End of year exams are on the way, and I have to concentrate on studying, but my thoughts keep returning to the two figures holding onto each other outside the indoor pool, locked in an embrace like they were the only people left in the world. I let out a frustrated groan and flop my head onto my arms. Maybe if I can block out the world I can block out my feelings.

"Hey." I raise my head to see Rin hovering by my desk uncertainly.

My heart leaps before I can remind myself that he's _with_ someone. "Matsuoka-kun!"

"Um, you can call me Rin, and I just kind of wanted to say that I'm sorry for brushing you off before, I, uh, appreciate you…looking out for me?" His words are stilted like they've been rehearsed, but it can't hide the sincerity. He rubs the back of his neck and avoids my eyes.

I force a smile onto my face. "It's all fine," I try to reassure him, as well as try to ignore what his awkward thanks is doing to the feelings in my chest. He nods gratefully and moves past me.

It's impossible to get my head into the lesson, but when I finally do start to find a rhythm, someone someone behind me drops their pencil and it clacks against my chair. I turn around to pick it up for the guy, and as he nods his thanks my eyes slide straight past him and to the corner seat by the window.

Rin's gazing outside again, but this time he has a fond little smile on his lips. It's the look of someone in love.

It reminds me a little of myself.


End file.
